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A rough measure of how close House and Senate Republicans believe Donald Trump is to new criminal charges can be summed up by two words: Hunter Biden. The volume of Republican screeching about “Hunter Biden” seems to reach its peak in the days just before each new Trump indictment. If past is prologue, then House Republicans are currently expecting Trump to be indicted in Georgia for everything from a conspiracy to corruptly overturn the results of an election to a conspiracy to block every McDonald’s toilet from Rome to Augusta.
House Republicans are currently freaking the entire hell out, seemingly inventing new Biden conspiracy theories by the hour after the latest of their supposed star witnesses–the one who was to accuse President Joe Biden of a great many things and seize all the news cycles from now until 2025–delivered a big fat zero. Rep. Greg Steube is the latest to go Full Freakout, and it’s … honestly, it’s more pathetic than anything else. In a hilariously overhyped Newsmax “exclusive,” the Florida congresscritter says he’s going to file a new resolution calling for Biden’s impeachment for “bribery, for extortion, obstruction of justice, fraud, financial involvement in drugs and prostitution.” That there is no evidence of this is at best a side note. Steube promises he’ll provide proof in a press release.
Aaah, this takes me back to the days when all the nice respectable Republican lawmakers and pundits super-duper insisted that Bill and Hillary Clinton were running drugs out of an Arkansas airport, but only in their spare time between murdering half of the people on the American East Coast. It’s possible the Queen of England was involved, but it depended on which crackpot you asked. And then the same crowd told us President Barack Obama was a changeling, smuggled into a Hawaiian hospital crib in a worldwide plan to make some random day-old infant the future president. From there we went to, “The Russian government is innocent. Actually the Democratic Party hacked itself and Hillary put the evidence of this in Ukraine, in some dude’s house or something.” Now we’re back to Dark Brandon allegedly doing all the crimes Steube was able to spell correctly without help, because it turns out Biden’s lifelong political passion promoting better rail transportation was all a front for whatever the fuck
I’m not sure whether Steube realizes that fellow crackpot Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene already beat him to the “impeach Biden” punch literally months ago and keeps re-announcing it every time someone around her so much as sneezes. Greene is even doing Steube one better by demanding that Congress expunge the two impeachments of Donald Trump so as to cleanse Dear Leader’s tainted record.
Speaking of Greene, she’s currently escalating her rhetoric as well. She was never terribly coherent to begin with, but at this point she’s just a puddle of words rippling softly in response to breezes nobody else feels.
All right, so in order to save our Lucky Charms we have to let Russia take over Ukraine so that they’ll sell us Ukraine’s grain for cheap, and Joe Biden’s stopping us from doing that so he’s got to go. I think that’s the message? Maybe?
There were few people in America who even knew who hell Rep. James Comer was before he too became a Newsmax staple and Republicanism’s Replacement Devin Nunes. Now he’s just another guy who sees conspiracies everywhere, all the time. That is, unless somebody mentions the names “Donald Trump” or “Jared Kushner” to him, at which point his eyes roll back in his head and he pretends he cannot hear you because he is communicating with the spirits.
And then there’s this performative confederate dumbass.
Again, if you’re looking for an allegation that a president sold official favors for millions of dollars, you need to go back in history only to the hoary old days of exactly now. There are a great many people, many of them quite a bit smarter than Sen. Ted Cruz, who are alleging that Donald Damn Trump and family were running a get-your-official-favors-here carnival booth during his presidency. They’re saying everything from the bookings at Trump’s hotels and resorts to the restructuring of foreign alliances to Jared Kushner’s $2 billion pile of new Saudi money is all part and parcel of Trump and his family selling out the nation’s broader interests so that Trump could forge better ties to filthy rich authoritarians elsewhere.
Cruz is having his very own little meltdown of evidenceless conspiracy-cranking, but since Cruz is an allegedly dignified senator as opposed to a House of Representatives ratscrabbler, he’s got to hope his audience skips the massive pockmarked “if” that he’s using to preface his newest Rudy Giuliani-level hoax.
I can’t imagine being part of the conservative movement. It just seems so tiring. You’ve got to keep track of Greene’s latest broadcasts from inside what appears to be a lightly haunted New England hotel. You’ve got Cruz telling you that the stuff rattling around in his own head like the ball in a spray paint can is the most outrageous outrage in all of history. Then you’ve got to stare and nod your head like you know who the f–k Greg Steube is when he starts talking.
What’s clear here is that Republicans in the last week have sharply ramped up the urgency with which they are saying Hunter Biden things, and that generally tends to coincide with times in which Trump is believed to be in brand new legal peril—after which Fox News and other conservative circles suggest that whichever new Trump indictment has dropped is only meant to distract from the super-important new not-evidence those Republicans are now announcing they still don’t have.
Based on the urgency of these new Biden theories, Republicans appear to believe that Trump is about to be indicted for attempting to sell off American children as his newest self-branded mail order product. You might want to make sure you’ve got popcorn ready, because it appears something big is about to drop.
Sign the petition: No to shutdowns. No to Biden impeachment. No to Republicans.
Take that, GOP schemes to rig ballot measures! On this week’s episode of “The Downballot,” co-hosts David Nir and David Beard gleefully dive into the failure of Issue 1, which was designed to thwart a November vote to enshrine abortion rights in the state constitution. The Davids discuss why Republican efforts to sneak their amendment through during a summertime election were doomed to fail; how many conservative counties swung sharply toward the “no” side; and what the results mean both for Sherrod Brown’s reelection hopes and a future measure to institute true redistricting reform.
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